Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Mother Nature Has Gone Rogue

I don’t know why this winter needs to be so god awful long, but apparently, Mother Nature has cancelled Spring.  AGAIN.


I’m fed up with you, Mother Nature.  We’ve been at odds since oh, I’d say about October, and I’m just tired of asking nicely for 5 full days of sunshine.  It can still be cold, I don’t mind the cold, I just miss the sun.  Cold isn’t too bad, when you can look upward and get warmth on your face. You know, that big orange ball of light behind the layers upon layers of blanketing gray clouds you’ve sent our way?  Stop bogarting the melatonin, bitch!  It’s not all about YOU$2C okay?  Some of us pale pastey-skinned humans NEED to see the sun, and benefit from it’s rays on occasion.  Even when I’ve got SPF 50 and my big sombrero looking gardening hat on, I still like to get a little color from my knees down to my shoes.  And occasionally on my forearms, when I’m not wearing my protective armor jacket on my motorcycle.  No, a farmer’s tan is quite okay, I’m not asking for the aged leathered old lady in Miami skin.  Just a little color would be nice.  And no, gray is not a color.  Not for skin tone anyways.  I’m so white I’m almost clear right now, for chrissakes.

All I’m trying to say is that we like to know that the sun is THERE, so we can actually go out in it when WE want to.... It’s not something you can just take away and never give back to us.  Hey, we devoted alot of our youth to that damned ball of fire, remember?  Lazily sunbathing on the front of the boat on Lake Cumberland?  Yeah, that was me.  Shirts and skins pick-up hoops game at the school yard?  Me, again.  Frisbee in the back yard with Dad that one summer when I got the big sunburn blister the size of Rhode Island on my shoulder that my sister thought it would be funny to pop by slapping me really really hard?  You guessed it, me.  A crying, whimpering me, but nonetheless, I liked being out in the sun until I burnt like a french fry.  Do I even need to remind you about all the drunken outdoor rock festivals?  You were there, you remember, I’m sure...
All I’m asking for is one more chance to look like a raccoon one more time.  I like wearing my Oakleys all summer, you know.  Just asking for a chance to do it in the next couple of weeks, old girl.  What do ya say?  Maybe you could throw us a solar bone?  If not for me, do it for the little bunnies.  I wanna see the little wild bunnies hop across my lawn, because they’re just so snuggily and cuddily cute and adorable.  Come on, do it for them.